Rod Blagojevich’s lawyers want to delay the June 3 start of his trial because Judge James Zagel has excused hundreds of jurors who can’t be bothered to spend months listening to Rod swear like Redd Foxx on an off-color party tape.
Can you blame them?
There is a way, though, to make this trial entertaining. In keeping with the Blagojevich family’s post-gubernatorial career, let’s make “The Trial of Rod Blagojevich” a reality show. On Fox.
It would have great characters. Blagojevich was the breakout clown on Celebrity Apprentice, before Mr. Trump fired him. His suave, bombastic lawyer, Sam Adam Jr. -- the man who delivered the closing argument in R. Kelly’s child pornography trial -- was profiled in the current Chicago magazine.
“A jury trial is a show, nothing but a show,” Adam told the magazine. “He who puts on the best show, he who entertains the most, he who can bring [his] point in the most effective way, wins. Hands down.”
It’s probably eating him up that Illinois is one of the few states that doesn’t allow cameras in courtrooms.
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U.S. Attorney Patrick Fitzgerald would be the perfect foil for Adam: a drab, humorless government lifer who wears old Men’s Wearhouse suits he bought at Junior League Consignment Shops.
And, as Patti Blagojevich proved on I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here, she knows how to play the suffering wife of a persecuted politician.
We might have to replace Judge James Zagel, who has a great head of white hair which would, unfortunately, compete with Blagojevich’s. Rod’s hair should be a focus of the show. Perhaps it could even be tried separately, as a co-defendant.
However, there are several judges currently hosting afternoon TV shows who are dying for a shot at prime time, where they won’t be sponsored by personal injury lawyer. I suggest the handsome, distinguished Judge Alex, whose slicked-back hair is well under control.
Is Rod guilty or not guilty? Well, America, that’ll be up to you to decide. During the finale of the 12-week series, Adam and Fitzgerald will make their closing arguments, and viewers will be invited to vote by calling a 900 number.
If Blagojevich loses, he gets to spend an entire hour proclaiming his innocence on MSNBC’s Lockup. If he wins, he gets to be governor again…on a remake of Benson.
