When was the last time you took a weeknight off from parenting? Not a date night, not running errands, but a night purely for yourself.
If you’re like most parents, the answer is probably “before my kids were born.”
That was my answer, too. For years, I believed that spending every evening with my children was just what parents did. But the reality of balancing my career with the demands of parenting two toddlers just a year apart in age pushed me to the edge.
At some point last year, I found myself perpetually exhausted, and, yes, admittedly snapping every so often at my kids and husband. I was running on fumes and reached a point where I needed a break — or else I’d break.
That’s when my husband and I decided to try an experiment that on the outset seemed simple, but that we soon learned would be life-changing and life-giving: We would each get one or two nights “off” per week.
Initially, I had a hard time sticking to it. It felt too easy to default to our old ways, and I felt guilty for leaving my kids and for saddling my husband with their care. The idea of stepping away, even for a night, felt selfish. But as an introvert desperate for solitude and time to recharge, I realized that without some time off, I wouldn’t be able to give my family the best version of myself (or — if I’m being honest — even a semi-human version).
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So, my husband and I made a pact: Every week, we’d both have a night off to do whatever nourished our souls — no questions, no guilt. We marked these days on the calendar, treating them like essential, non-negotiable appointments.
Having a designated night off has felt like fresh air after years of holding my breath.
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Once we did that, the impact was immediate and profound. Having a designated night off has felt like fresh air after years of holding my breath. Some nights, I’ve taken a solo hike or enjoyed a quiet dinner alone; other times, I let myself roam without a plan, savoring the rare and delicious freedom of unstructured time.
It wasn’t long before I noticed a transformation in my parenting, too. I’ve become happier, more patient and joyfully present with my children. The time away isn’t just a luxury — it is a lifeline. Taking a break and having time to recharge is a necessity for my well-being, and thus for theirs.
When I started sharing our new routine with other parents, I noticed that many of them found the idea highly unusual and hadn’t ever considered taking this kind of time for themselves. (Before I tried it, I had never imagined it either!) And, living in a culture that glorifies self-sacrifice, especially for mothers, that makes sense.
However, a few shared that they’ve taken similar “breaks” from parenting. Kelly Hubbell, founder of Sage Haus, an outsourcing platform for busy parents, has carved out a similar routine with her husband. He swims with friends on his nights off; she enjoys yoga or a moms’ night out on hers.
“It’s a necessary break to be more patient, kind and fully present, both with each other and our children,” she tells TODAY.com. “This rhythm has become essential for maintaining our sanity and nurturing our relationship.”
While having a partner certainly makes the approach a bit easier, fractional CEO and sales consultant Dora Rankin has always prioritized her own well-being, even as a single mom to two daughters.
“When the mothership goes down, everything goes down,” she tells TODAY.com. By taking regular weekends away with friends, she shows up as a stronger and more present mother. “My girls showed up just as strong, independent and self-sufficient too,” she adds.
Taking time off from parenting might seem counterintuitive, but it’s by far one of the best decisions we’ve made for our family. These breaks recharge us, enabling us to be more present, loving and fulfilled. As a result, every moment we spend with our kids feels richer and more meaningful.
It has also taught us a vital lesson: There are no strict “rules” to parenting. The more we give ourselves permission to break away from societal expectations and focus on what truly replenishes us, the higher the chances are that we can lead a life that feels truly aligned, even during these intense years when we’re dedicating so much of ourselves to our children. It’s easy to fall into default patterns — or frankly have so much on our plates we don’t come up for air to consider that there might be another way — but I’m living proof that this approach is a fast track to burnout. Thankfully, by stepping away from what we’re “supposed” to do, we’ve created a happier, healthier home for everyone.
For anyone feeling overwhelmed or burnt out, I encourage you to consider your own version of a night off. I know it’s easier said than done, and that even considering a night off requires a certain amount of privilege, but I also know how important it is to see alternative versions of what life could look like. Whether it’s scheduling solo time, hiring a babysitter or setting up a system with a partner, co-parent or friend, the key is to identify what you need on an ongoing basis, and not only give yourself permission to do so but to make it a priority.
Your needs can’t always come last, because it’s only when we’ve taken care of ourselves that we can take care of others. In that sense, it’s the most selfless thing we can do for our families.
This article first appeared on TODAY.com. Read more from TODAY here:
