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3 signs your boss is a narcissist—'they don't appear to be listening and learning,' Harvard professor says

3 signs your boss is a narcissist—’they don’t appear to be listening and learning,’ Harvard professor says
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It's not uncommon for narcissists to end up in leadership positions. Exaggerating your accomplishments, belief that you deserve power, and overconfidence are all generally rewarded in the workplace and associated with narcissism.

Ironically, what gets someone with narcissistic tendencies into a managing role is also what makes them an ineffectual leader, says Amy Edmondson, a Harvard Business School professor who researches psychological safety in the workplace.

"The essence of being a narcissist is that you're about yourself, you're for yourself, and you're less others-oriented," she says. "People who are in a position with a desire to lead others, they need to be others-oriented. That starts with self-awareness."

Here are three signs you're working for a narcissist.

1. They claim all credit and deflect blame

"Narcissistic bosses are likely to take credit for things that go well and to dodge blame for things that don't or, more specifically, overtly blame others or external circumstances for things that don't go well," Edmondson says.

Sometimes their inability to give credit is masked by blanketed praise.

"You notice they might be thanking the team but not in a specific way and it doesn't take long to realize that they are all about themselves," Edmondson says.

They are also threatened by employees who succeed, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles who focuses on narcissistic and antagonistic personality types, told CNBC Make It. This makes them even more unlikely to praise their direct reports.

"Narcissistic bosses are talent hoarders," Durvasula says. "When a narcissistic boss has someone really talented work for them, instead of helping them get opportunities, they aren't only threatened by the talent but they want the employee to make them look good."

2. They don't listen

A good manager communicates often and clearly, but just because a boss is talking a lot doesn't mean it's for the benefit of the team.

"It's natural that they should be doing a lot of explaining and teaching and clarifying goals, but it's unhealthy and a sign of narcissism if they are doing all the talking which comes at the expense of listening," Edmondson says.

A good manager knows there is value in what others, even those who are below them, have to say. Because a narcissist is trapped in the idea that only their thoughts are important, listening to others is burdensome to them.

"They do not appear to be listening and learning," Edmondson says. "Their thinking isn't visibly being altered by what others are saying."

3. They constantly demand admiration

Praise for a colleague feels threatening to a narcissist, and they are often envious of another's success or acknowledgment.

"If someone on your team is doing great work, it seems natural to me to be appreciative," Edmondson says. "If I praise you, it makes me look good and, if I'm your boss, it makes me look even better. Narcissists don't see it this way. It's a lost opportunity."

Admiration of or respect for another person is upsetting to them, even if that person could potentially make them look like a better manager.

How to cope with a narcissistic boss

Once you recognize the signs, you can take steps to minimize the harm.

Seeking mentorship, preferably from someone outside your company, can help you gain a different perspective, Durvasula says: "Turn to a mentor and say, 'I need a little help navigating this situation.' You might get some real wisdom."

If you're pursuing a raise or promotion, don't count on your boss to help you. Instead, keep evidence of how you contributed to the success of specific projects.

If you are pitching your boss an idea, be sure to include others on the email when you send it along.

"You're literally saving all the bricks you made to create that final piece of work," Durvasula says. "Send it to other people and say, 'Hey, I want you to see my progress.' Email is a time stamp."

These actions will help you cope with a toxic boss, but they are unlikely to cause a decline in their narcissism. In fact, new research shows that people with narcissistic tendencies are very unlikely to change, and if they do, it would be ever so slightly and over the course of decades.

Your best course of action might be to start looking for another job, Durvasula says.

"Recognize that in a vast majority of these cases the only way through is out," she says. "It's untenable in the long term to work for a narcissistic boss."

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