What this book on mortality can teach us about living healthy, fulfilled lives and focusing on things that ‘truly count’
Life is full of limitations — there are only 24 hours in a day, roughly 365 days in a year and a finite number of years that we'll live. But that shouldn't deter you from going after what you want in life, says writer Oliver Burkeman.
Burkeman, a former journalist and time management researcher, publishes a twice monthly newsletter about "productivity, mortality, the power of limits, and building a meaningful life." He is also the author of the New York Times bestselling self-help book, "Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals."
His recent book, "Meditations for Mortals," explores how we can accept our limitations in life and use them to our benefit.
The list of things we want to do in this life is likely longer than the list of what we'll actually be able to accomplish, he explains, and we'll "always be vulnerable to unforeseen disasters or distressing emotions." Those are the limitations of being a human.
But "when you give up the unwinnable struggle to do everything, that's when you can start pouring your finite time and attention into a handful of things that truly count," he writes.
Here are four key takeaways from his book about embracing limitations and making the most of the time that you have.
How to embrace limitations and focus on what is actually possible
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1. You can face either the consequences of doing or not doing
This may be tough to hear, but in every situation there will always be consequences, Burkeman writes: "It's in the nature of being finite that every choice comes with some sort of consequences, because at any instant, you can only pick one path, and must deal with the repercussions of not picking any of the others."
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Even when you make a decision you're excited about — like accepting a job offer, for example — it'll mean having to turn down other intriguing offers or leaving behind a role you love.
Burkeman doesn't remind you of this to make you feel bad; he encourages you to view this truth as a source of freedom. For people who get anxious about making choices, life-changing or not, knowing that every decision comes with consequences grants you the freedom to choose the best option for yourself.
It's "not freedom from limitation, which is something we unfortunately never get to experience, but freedom in limitation," Burkeman writes. "Freedom to examine the trade-offs."
2. Befriend what scares you
Avoiding what you fear can feel like the safest option, but Burkeman suggests trying a different approach: befriending your fear.
Let's say you're worried about your expenses so you avoid checking your bank account, or you've been experiencing pain and you're afraid to go to the doctor: "Confronting the situation is the only way to do something about it," he says.
In instances like these, the best thing to do is follow the advice of a Zen monk named Paul Loomans and befriend what scares you, which Burkeman references in his book.
"It might mean finding the least intimidating way to get stuck into it, or asking someone else for help," Burkeman says. "All you're seeking is some way to 'go there,' psychologically speaking: to begin to accept, on an emotional level, that the situation in question is already a part of your reality."
3. Do things 'dailyish'
Working towards a larger goal through small steps daily is a great practice, but don't get too caught up in succeeding every single day, Burkeman warns.
Aim to stick to the plan "dailyish" which is "a much more resilient rule" and doesn't mean that one missed day makes you fall off the wagon.
"Deep down, you know that doing something twice per week doesn't qualify as dailyish, while five times per week does," Burkeman says. "In busy periods, three or four times per week might get to count. So you're still putting some pressure on yourself."
If your focus is just to do something every day without missteps, you're aiming for perfection, which isn't sustainable or enjoyable. "The point isn't to spend your life serving rules. The point is for the rules to serve life," Burkeman writes.
4. Set quantity goals
When it comes to goal-setting, quantity can sometimes be better than quality, according to Burkeman. Setting a quantity goal means that you're more focused on the frequency in which you work towards a goal, instead of the quality of what you produce.
If you're writing a book, a quantity goal may look like freewriting for 10 minutes without stopping until your timer goes off, Burkeman says. Even if you write slowly, that's fine as long as you use the full 10 minutes.
Focusing on quantity takes the pressure off about the quality, he adds. When you're worried about if what you'll create is good or not, you can sometimes avoid working on the project altogether.
"A quantity goal puts you in the driver's seat," Burkeman says. "Instead of hoping you produce something good, you get to know you'll produce something."
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