The twinkling lights, upbeat music and hustle and bustle paints a joyful picture of the holiday season. But for some, the holidays are a painful reminder of what they've lost.
"This time of year can feel really overwhelming and profoundly challenging," said Carla Harvey, a grief specialist and thanatologist at Parting Stones. "You’re walking into brightly lit stores, there’s Christmas music playing everywhere - constant reminders that the holidays are times for friends, family, loved ones, and your person isn’t there.”
Harvey says there is no timeline or roadmap for handling grief, but there are mechanisms to help cope.
Here's what she recommends:
How to cope with grief during the holidays
"What I find is that the anticipation of the holiday can actually be worse than arriving to the party the day itself," she said. "Sometimes we get so worked up because grief can be so isolating, we worry about the conversations we’re going to have and what people might say, or what they’re going to want to know so we want to avoid the conflict. But sometimes it’s better to lean into grief and face what you’re going through."
She says having a support system can be beneficial during these times, but also to recognize people cope in different ways.
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"It’s really challenging when people don’t grieve the same was as you do," Harvey said. "So what I suggest is listening to each other and understanding both sides are valid. Someone may be able to express more joy this holiday season than another person who may just want to stay in bed... My best advice is to listen to each other, understand that everyone’s grief journey is unique."
Not all grief comes from death
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Grief is not always associated with death.
"Divorce is a very common loss that elicits a grief experience, so is the loss of a job," she said.
Harvey suggests setting boundaries, and giving yourself space and permission to feel the emotions.
How to talk to someone who might be grieving
For those navigating conversations with someone who experienced loss Harvey says to avoid blanket statements.
"[Don't say] 'You know they’re in a better place.' Not for a person grieving. A better place is here with them," she said. "Just share a special memory and let them know their person was loved."
