When something unexpected happens in my life, I immediately reach for my phone. Lately, I just text my friends, but posting an Instagram story used to be second nature.

I, like many others, didn't spare any details, especially if I was upset or hurt in some way. This year, a lot of people are doing something similar: Some are recording their layoffs and posting them on TikTok, while others are sharing voice messages from their exes online.

The urge to share parts of your life with other people is natural, says Shira Gabriel, a psychology professor at the University at Buffalo. It's a practice known as self-disclosure, where people share personal details with others to build a connection.

Plus, it's become easier to express those details on social media, especially if other users are already doing so, says Gabriel, whose research centers around how humans socialize and the need to belong.

The norm for online users is to be nice, at least for the most part, Gabriel says. When we detail a hurtful split or frustrating experience, "we want people to confirm what we already think."

"People want social support," she says. "They want people to hate the people they hate."

But the need for connection in the present might damage future relationships with potential friends, partners or employers. Posting details about a person you were previously close to or a past employer "might be signaling that you're not trustworthy," Gabriel says.

Posting about a layoff can open the door to new professional opportunities, says Eliana Goldstein, a career coach and the founder of Eliana Goldstein Coaching. But be sure you don't come across as a "disgruntled employee."

You might be completely justified in your frustration or anger at being laid off, she says, but if you're conveying those feelings in a post, remember your audience only has access to your perspective of the situation. That disconnect can lead to questions about your attitude as an employee, not whether your company was in the wrong for letting you go.

"Social media is such a double-edged sword, where it's an amazing thing, but it's again, how you use it," Goldstein says.

Respect and kindness go a long way and are important to keep in mind when you draft that social media announcement, she says.

Here are three healthy ways to self-disclose after a personal or professional split, according to Gabriel and Goldstein.

1. Wait before posting

If you really want to post about a split, you should at least sleep on it, that way you can be certain you're making the decision with a clear mind, Gabriel says.

"If you want the satisfaction from it, you'll still get it 24 hours later," she says.

But she acknowledges that exercising that restraint is usually easier said than done. "It's really, really hard for humans to think of ramifications down the line."

A safe option you can try is writing in a journal. You can pretend that someone will read what you wrote, Gabriel says, which still satisfies the need to self-disclose.

2. Vent privately to people you trust

Venting can be healthy, especially when you've been laid off from a company you've worked at for years, but it's a good idea to talk through those feelings with family or friends instead of social media, Goldstein says.

You can even vent to a trusted mentor who doesn't work at your company. That way you can get those complicated emotions off your chest, and they can offer you career guidance and advice for your next move.

"Share the secret parts with people you're really close to and trust," Goldstein says. "It can't just be opening up to the world about why you're so frustrated or why you're so upset. And again, if you do that, that's your choice and your prerogative 100%. But you just have to be OK that that might impact you from an employment perspective."

3. Share a measured post

You might still have the urge to post on social media. In that case, "you can post online and make it vague," Gabriel says. Save the details of your breakup or layoff for the people in your immediate circle.

There are ways to create a balanced post, which Gabriel says typically seems more "believable or persuasive." This might look like you taking some responsibility for the ending, especially after a friendship ends or a romantic breakup. Try not to namedrop if you're really upset, and if possible, underscore any positive highlights or lessons you'll take away from the experience.

For a professional post, that might include an announcement of your departure and a phrase like, "I learned so much from being there, including X,Y and Z."

You can wrap up the post by outlining your future career intentions and how you'll carry over those lessons to your next job, Goldstein says. You may also want to include specific projects you were proud of or colleagues you'll miss.

Finally, end with a line that makes it clear you're looking for work, such as "I'm really looking forward to my next opportunity and the ability to…" and fill in from there, Goldstein says.

"You just want to put everything in a positive light because an employer who sees that it is going to think, 'Wow, look how much they respected their company, their employees,'" she says.

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